Today I woke up, could hardly move, my body was so sore. Tom bought one of those memory foam mattress covers, because, you know, he has a bad back.
If you LOVE LOVE LOVE a soft, sink till you smother yourself bed, then memory foam is for you. If, however, you are like me and you LOVE LOVE LOVE a firmer 'terrafirma' on which to lay your weary head then DO NOT I repeat DO NOT buy the memory foam mattress topper thingy.
Ever see a beached whale try to flip itself over? No? Well, close your eyes and imagine; Soft brown sand, wavy ocean, struggling fat ass whale grunting and swearing in the futile effort to roll over.... There, see it? Ya, well, put my face on it and you've got the whole sordid picture now.
I really can't express how *$&p;Q#@* frustrating it is to move into any *$@$@#&; position while laying on that damn thing.
It was like being stuck in a huge wad of gum without the sticky and just trying to get my arm under myself to push up...in-freekin-possible. To roll over I had to put my hands under my well endowed ass, hold my breath, count to 3 or 5 or 10...and shove with all that I could muster at Damn o'clock in the morning.
Sitting up now, I have to swing my ass left/right, but each ass cheek is firmly molded to the freekin mattress and every time I move I just "WEDGE" (that's right, I said it!) my ass into the memory foam further. Seriously, WHO the HELL needs an imprint of their ass wedged into MEMORY foam? EVER! I'd like to forget my ass, thank you very much.
Anyway, so now I'm on the other side (of hell) and my PJ's are all twisted around me and I'm thinking, "Is it really worth all the aggravation of getting up and settling myself again?" Sure, I'll give it a go, cuz I REALLY HATE my clothes twisted all up.
Swear, push, grunt, up. Twist, twist, climb, lay down.....swear, send evil glare towards snoring husband, look up at the ceiling, remember that I wanted to be on MY RIGHT SIDE!!!!! a n d swear a whole lot more.
Throw minor silent temper tantrum and eventually fall asleep. Just in time to be woken up by the kid. Excellent. Now I have to move over... ya right...foot push one of the dogs for some space, give the kid pillow room, make sure kid is not jamming her size 12's into hubby's back, watch said kid swiftly fall into blissful REM sleep and contemplate the pro's and con's of climbing up into her loft bed....ya, um, n e v e r going to happen.
So I lay there, and lay there, listening to the sounds of night time delight....did you know that a pug can snore so bloody loud that that bed will actually vibrate? In tandem. With the snoring. Incessantly. It'll go on and on and on and on and on. You can't wake a pug either. No way. I've tried EVERY thing-short of smothering her with a pillow......that's reserved for someone special...you know who you are.
Right now I am trying to decide if I should go to bed, or stay up all night to avoid the inevitable struggle with that damn mattress thing.
What to do, what to do.......
Looked at this web site mom emailed me today, thepioneerwomancooks.com. I think that tomorrow I'm going to make this chicks apple dumplings. Never had those before. Not to keen on the Mountain dew part tho...
I'll let you all know how they turned out. It's got mountain dew in the recipe, so I don't think I could screw them up...much...
OK, here goes....off to freekin never never land....
No comments:
Post a Comment