To Dream the Impossible Dream...

So, today I'm gonna talk about dogs. We have 3. Munch is the oldest and she is a lab, Sheppard/coyote mix. I've had her for 9 years so she's getting up there in age and is a little slow in the movement department. She has difficulty jumping up on the bed (which I'm happy about, fur and all.) and has some trouble high tailing it up the stairs. and in the melay that occurs when they are let out for the nitetime excursion, she whines and yelps while running down the stairs. So.'m thinking she's a little sore in the hips. i knew that this day was coming, but now that it's here, I'll just have to be a little more patient with her.
Those of you that know me well, understand what a great difficulty this will be as I have the patience of a gnat.
Bear is a rottweiler/retriever.Big, stupid, and stupid. He is the dog that violently pushed me down the stairs and broke my leg. I was laid up for 3 months and all this just 2 weeks before we had to move.
Bear feels that his place is on my side of the bed and every night when I get home from work, I have to shoo him off and I usually get growled at. Stupid dog. I think he has plans for me and they're not good ones.
That brings us to the latest addition, Aurthur. He is a pure bred black lab. We found him at a traveling carnival. The litter was an unapproved breeding and they couldn't get top dollar for them so they were selling them cheap.($400.00!!) Cheap my ass! Anyway, I made the big mistake of picking up and holding him. right away, he stuck his little head under my chin and started to snuggle right in. I should have tossed him back into the pick up but instead, I looked at Tom and gave him the " Isn't he sooooooooo cute" look. Next thing I knew Tom was handing over a wad of cash and we were walking around with this tiny little puppy.
11 months later, Aurthur is stupid #3. We have interchangeable name for all three of them. Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest. All answer to any of the above as well as Stupid Ass, Dumb Ass, and Dumb as F**k. Stupid Freekin Dog usually gets good results. I figure, if we ever get another one, we won't have to give it an official name, we'll just include it in the Dumber than a bag of fur group.

So throught the years I've told dog eating through wall stories, dog eating hallway carpet stories, and dog eating and then pooping out brand new $89.00 french lace panties (complete with price tag)
Well today I come home to find, Aurthur has devoured a full container of Nestle Quick chocolate milk powder, Bear has chewed up something, but I can't find it and Munch has successfully vomited up the sock I've been looking for for the last couple of days.

I'm going to close my eyes and dream of a pet free place where I don't have to use a whole roll of tape to remove dog hair from my sweaters, where I can leave my shoes all over the house if I want, and I don't have to risk a broken leg to let a damn dog out in the middle of the night so it can piss and crap in the back yard.

I'm done. Done with dogs. and done with today's rant. If you'll excuse me, I have to go let the freeking dogs out....Good Bye and get a life, or a dog......